| the chronicles of your own bridge and tunnel girl |
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| i treat a journal like a dental appointment, twice a year at most |
[07 Sep 2004|09:27pm] |
hey everybody,
sorry i haven't updated this in so long. guess i just never got around to it. but i've finally gotten around to it. well the most recent "big thing" thats happened is that i am now a single man. me and kelsey seem to not be able to stop fighting, yet strangely as heated as it gets i still miss the girl. sounds like me. always knowing what i want just never agreeing with myself about it. well yeah anyways i don't want to make this journal any sadder than it already is so its time for a new subject. i actually did all my homework for the first time in probly about two years tonight. to the people who think im kidding, im not. i found out that homework takes me around 2-3 hours to do. man that sucked. well i have other good news still, it seems that my struggle to cut down on my suicide sticks is working. i've only had 3 today and it's fuckin 9:30! im freakin out about that. hmmmm......... i can't really think of anything else to say. well im outy like a mothafuckin bellybutton. peace my homo negroes.
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[06 Jun 2004|03:21pm] |
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| bad day |
[19 May 2004|04:12pm] |
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isn't it strange how a completely normal day can feel so shitty. today was just ur normal average day but i felt like shit inside. first off i realized how bad it is between me and tiffany. my once best friend is now nothing more than just a school friend. we barely talk in school on a good day and we never talk on the phone anymore. however even tho we aren't even friends i still want to be with her everytime i see her. i love her and i can't even talk to her. maybe the reason why i don't try to reconcile with her is out of fear that it'll just hurt more to be that close to her. either way i don't forsee it happening anytime in the near future. i also have to dump kelly today. well thats on my agenda anyways. im not sure if i want to go through with it now. last night i wanted to and then today i saw her and something happened. i don't know what it was but i just started thinking maybe it isn't such a good idea. i'm still attracted to her but its just that im not sure if we're right for each other. i don't know i think its just the feeling of being in a relationship, the security of having someone there for u. if thats it which i have the suspicion it is, then i just keep telling myself that it will be better with someone that i have more feelings for. well shit, looks like im still gonna be taken for the day. well on to other news. i found myself contemplating suicide again today. im not sure what it is that causes it but sometimes thats the only thing i can think about all day. i know im not going to do it, mainly because im one of those people that can't take not being there. but im running out of ways to fight the urge to do it. today for about 5 or 10 minutes i was actually planning to do it. i was just sayin to myself all u gotta do is go home find a knife and cut ur wrists. but obviously i didn't do it. fuck man im gonna go i don't even know what im feelin right now.
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| a look into my minds current state |
[14 Apr 2004|12:40am] |
yeah, i don't know how to put the part about how u feel or what music ur listening to,lex maybe u can clue me in on that, but for now im just gonna say it here: mood:lonely music:incubus-i'll be there
first of all i just wanna say that i don't consider myself emo, im more of a manic depressive. anyways, yeah the reason for this journal entry is to let out some shit in my life right now. i've been talkin to justine a lot again, its like we're best friends all over again. and as much as i still love her with all my heart she doesn't want a boyfriend. and everytime she nonchalantly mentions it to me it cuts deep in my heart. and what makes it worse is that she's told me that she thought we might have a chance of going back out again, thats when she told me she didn't want a bf. then after that she clued that she might want to be friends with benefits. Now for the benefits part, let me just clear up that this isn't completely what i wanted but i looked at it as a step in a good direction and that maybe after a while of that she might find the love that we once had and i still hold for her. but at the moment that is neither here nor there. we're just friends so im left with two choices, i can either A. force myself to hate her so at least that way im not constantly pining over her. or B. keep loving her and pray for some miracle or turn of her heart. not exactly the most appealing options are they. Don't get me wrong i've liked other people since her. its just that she seems to be my perfect match. She has the perfect amount of energy for a conversation (i can't stand those people who are constantly calm or hyper), she's mysterious, she's smart, i can talk with her for hours(at the moment she actually seems to be the only person i can talk to for more than a half hour). the list goes on and on. but hey im droning on about one subject. let me tell u about another misfortune of mine, if i had anything good to say i would but i can't think of a damn thing at the moment. n e ways, there's another girl who i really liked, her name's tiffany. she's really fun to be with. i talk to her almost everyday on the phone for around a half hour. but when she found out i liked her, she considered going out with me for a while, then decided she didn't want to risk losing one of her best friends. it didn't hurt that badly, because a few days later we were alone at her house for a couple of hours, u know what that means...................ding ding ding we talked the entire time and it felt fine that we were just friends. yup isn't my life just full of excitement. oh and lastly the only thing i was looking forward to doesn't look like its gonna happen. lexy was supposed to come down with johnny andrew and gwen. i was really hoping it was gonna happen especially since i had started gettin a little crush on g-unit. but its halfway thru april and i haven't heard a word about the trip, or summer, so i guess its not gonna happen. yay for me. yeah thats about it for tonight, sorry it took so long to update lex.
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| i have a journal |
[05 Apr 2004|06:07pm] |
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hey, i guess u've already guessed that this is my journal. YOU'LL NEVER TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME EITHER YA DAMN DIRTY IRISH! ne ways, umm im not sure what the fuck im s'posed to do with this damn thing lexy just made it for me, i guess she's on crack or something. but yeah i only have one question who the hell is withered dream? thats it, maybe i'll have something more exciting later on.
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| Word To Your Mother |
[03 Apr 2004|01:58pm] |
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Comment And I Will Add You!
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