a look into my minds current state
yeah, i don't know how to put the part about how u feel or what music ur listening to,lex maybe u can clue me in on that, but for now im just gonna say it here: mood:lonely music:incubus-i'll be there
first of all i just wanna say that i don't consider myself emo, im more of a manic depressive. anyways, yeah the reason for this journal entry is to let out some shit in my life right now. i've been talkin to justine a lot again, its like we're best friends all over again. and as much as i still love her with all my heart she doesn't want a boyfriend. and everytime she nonchalantly mentions it to me it cuts deep in my heart. and what makes it worse is that she's told me that she thought we might have a chance of going back out again, thats when she told me she didn't want a bf. then after that she clued that she might want to be friends with benefits. Now for the benefits part, let me just clear up that this isn't completely what i wanted but i looked at it as a step in a good direction and that maybe after a while of that she might find the love that we once had and i still hold for her. but at the moment that is neither here nor there. we're just friends so im left with two choices, i can either A. force myself to hate her so at least that way im not constantly pining over her. or B. keep loving her and pray for some miracle or turn of her heart. not exactly the most appealing options are they. Don't get me wrong i've liked other people since her. its just that she seems to be my perfect match. She has the perfect amount of energy for a conversation (i can't stand those people who are constantly calm or hyper), she's mysterious, she's smart, i can talk with her for hours(at the moment she actually seems to be the only person i can talk to for more than a half hour). the list goes on and on. but hey im droning on about one subject. let me tell u about another misfortune of mine, if i had anything good to say i would but i can't think of a damn thing at the moment. n e ways, there's another girl who i really liked, her name's tiffany. she's really fun to be with. i talk to her almost everyday on the phone for around a half hour. but when she found out i liked her, she considered going out with me for a while, then decided she didn't want to risk losing one of her best friends. it didn't hurt that badly, because a few days later we were alone at her house for a couple of hours, u know what that means...................ding ding ding we talked the entire time and it felt fine that we were just friends. yup isn't my life just full of excitement. oh and lastly the only thing i was looking forward to doesn't look like its gonna happen. lexy was supposed to come down with johnny andrew and gwen. i was really hoping it was gonna happen especially since i had started gettin a little crush on g-unit. but its halfway thru april and i haven't heard a word about the trip, or summer, so i guess its not gonna happen. yay for me. yeah thats about it for tonight, sorry it took so long to update lex.