| that'll make ur titties perk right up |
[08 Aug 2005|04:33am] |
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mood |
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 drunk |
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so by the looks of it i've convinced myself that it was a good idea to pull an all nighter and drink. but here's the kicker, my first day of school is in less than 3 hours. dude im such a fuckin idiot. im not quite sure why im doin this i think i just felt like talkin about it. oh yeah i got a new cell phone. i'll update when i find the new number.alright im gonna go now. peace nigga
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| i'd think of a nice title if i could but i can't |
[11 Jul 2005|02:45am] |
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mood |
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drunk |
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music |
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fallout boy- sugar we're goin downtown |
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so, i've had about 5 or 6 shots of vodka and i think im drunk. from what i can remember i talked to shae which was really cool. i haven't talked to her in a long time and she's still the same person i hit it off with like a year ago at busch gardenbs. i hope we get to hang out some time soon. but something else happened tonight, something not quite as exciting. lol i sound like such a fag. u know what that means.....time for another shot. alright now that thats done, i finally finished the liz situation. now im standing in the wake of my decision. i don't know if what i did was right but im just fuckin tired of my passive aggressive shit. people would just be like connor im sorry and no matter what they did i'd just accept the apologfy and forget about it. but im god damned fuckein tired of just bein the door mat that people walk on. maybe thats why i was so cold with liz tonight. maybe more than anything i was doing this for myself than the situation with li. if that makes any senbse. maybe i was just trying to finally prove to myself that i can be tough enough to say u know what im tired of the shit and im not gam anymore. but did i choose the right person to make an example to myself out of. i don't know anymore. but i do know that after all the damage i had from liz why the hell should i take her friendship back. because she's spouting off those lines to me like i can't just say no? it sounds like she learned that cliche shit from me. alright i have had too much to drink tro be writing this. im gonna do another shot then wacth saome tv and go to sleep. night all. and please keep in mind that this ain't exactly miyy shining moment so mplease don't judge me by this entry. hahaha that ferret icon looks really hungover
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| i hurt someone i love, and i don't think there's anything i can do to fix it |
[15 Feb 2005|12:49am] |
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u ever have one of those days where u do something stupid, then to try to make it better u do something ten times as idiotic. i think tonight i've easily done it worse than ever. 20 minutes after we got off the phone i got a clear head and realized just how fucking stupid i was being, funny how ur mind works like that. well, i guess i've permanently fucked it up. the scar i left her tonight will never heal. what the hell is wrong with me.
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| cry for help |
[14 Feb 2005|04:37pm] |
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all i feel is pain. i dread the future, i hate my past and i can't escape the present. i think im going to do it one of these days. just end it all. i just want this pain to go away. can anyone make it stop? doubt it, everything a person says to me trying to cheer me up makes me feel worse. its just a waste of time trying to make me happy. my life is not meant to go on much longer and i think im the one who's gonna have to call it. its gonna be on my terms. i don't know why im even writing this. i know there's nothing all u fuckin lemmings can do for me. except just make me feel worse. fuck it, im done.
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| im never drinking again |
[03 Jan 2005|01:55am] |
3-4 double shots and 3-4 beers.......and i was drinking moderately compared to most of my party companions
an account of events:
keith puked everywhere, chris passed out on the side of the house in the grass until the neighbor told us he was there and we got him up. once we woke him up we had forgotten that we had left wes passed out on the dock, chris pulled him inside while me matt and max walked to 7-11 for cigarettes, i spilled beer on my pants, i put my pants in the drier and walked around the house for 20 minutes in my boxers half the time forgetting where my pants were. i called someone up, told her i loved her with all my heart, called melissa left two voice mails saying how much i charished our friendship, called someone back, then called michelle and told her i thought she was cool.
lol thats the specifics of my new years. the next day i woke up and my head hurt so much i downed a shot took 2 midol and 2 excedrin. 4 hours later after helping clean a bit i took max and wes home and then drove home, thats when i found out i had to clean the house by tomorrow because we had a possible buyer coming to look. after explaining to dunk how hung over i was he started laughin at me and with a chuckle said i guess u better get cleaning. at 3 in the morning i was finally able to get myself to start cleaning and didn't stop until 6am. then today when i woke up and asked how the showing went, my mom told me the woman had called and rescheduled............and people ask me why i hate humanity.
comment on here and tell me how ur new years holiday was.
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| It's official |
[10 Oct 2004|05:02pm] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
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music |
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less than jake - science of selling yourself short |
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Alrighty well i'd like to start this out by saying that im finally officially goin to homecoming again. My mom ok'd it on thursday. I FINALLY DEFEATED SATAN MWAHAHAHA! but anyways yeah on a lighter note i just got home a couple hours ago from chris' birthday party, that shit was pretty fun. lol it was chris's party and we made him carry all the wood for the fire.....poor bastard. lol but yeah i just felt like i hadn't updated this in a while so there we go. MUCH LOVE FROM THE SBL BITCHES!!
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| and the meds are back in full swing |
[20 Sep 2004|03:11pm] |
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ain't life just fuckin grand. today i was in school and i started feeling the depression start to creep back upon me but i couldn't help it. im not sure what specifically it was today that bothered me so much. i think its just that im unhappy with my entire life. dads goin crazy, nick's bein nick, and my mom seems to be getting more malicious by the day. not only that but all my really close friends are really starting to get to me. when i say that i mainly just mean kevin guy and conway. its nothing bad about them specifically its just that i don't think we're at the same place in life. i can't relate to any of them. and im unhappy to be around them. well it looks like im screwed on that part of life tho because their the only ones to really hang out with. sure i can spend some time with melissa and my other friends but its like i can't get away from them. i guess another thing thats really been botherin me lately is that i feel so god damned lonely. every second it feels like the emptiness inside me gets bigger. it has nothin to do with losin kelsey, i just have been feeling utterly alone lately and i need someone. well i don't want to get too caught up in all this whiny crap so i think this is about it for today.
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